


La Douleur Exquise

by kiyooomii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: :3, Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apologies, Cheating, Established Relationship, Fluff, Guilt, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Implied Smut, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Minor Violence, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Pro Volleyball Player Kageyama Tobio, Pro Volleyball Player Sakusa Kiyoomi, Self-Indulgent, Slight Manga Spoilers, Sorry Kageyama, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, also took some scenes from the manga and twisted them to my own liking ahehe, happy ending for one pairing but not the other, mainly sakuhina & kageyama focused, oh and, oh wait i nearly forgot, only a little though, the other characters appear for like a scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23179873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyooomii/pseuds/kiyooomii
Summary: la douleur exquise (french):-the exquisite pain of wanting someone that you know you'll never haveorKageyama Tobio was a lot of things but, contrary to popular belief, he was not stupid. He knew that his rival and teammate Hinata Shoyo saw him as exactly that. A rival and teammate. He wasn't dumb enough to delude himself into believing that their relationship would ever go any further than where it was.He just didn't know it would hurt so much.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 28
Kudos: 233





	1. Part 1: Kageyama's Perspective

**Author's Note:**

> kageyama im so sorry i am so sorry but i was feeling angsty! i feel even more guilty posting this because his backstory was revealed with the latest chapter of the manga skdfdsnjdgofdajbfh
> 
> oh btw trigger warning for noncon!!

Kageyama Tobio was a lot of things but, contrary to popular belief, he was not stupid. He knew that his rival and teammate Hinata Shoyo saw him as exactly that. A rival and teammate. He wasn't dumb enough to delude himself into believing that their relationship would ever go any further than where it was. 

He just didn't know it would hurt so much.

Kageyama never thought he'd pay close attention to something else other than volleyball. Though he supposed Hinata Shoyo was known for the surprising effect he had on people. There had never been a person to make Kageyama feel something as cliché as love. He had strongly believed, for as long as he could remember, that his only love would be volleyball. His adoration for the boy with the sun in his hair and fire in his eyes hit him as unexpectedly as a setter's dump. One moment, he was normal, volleyball obsessed Kageyama. The next moment, he was so in love with Hinata Shoyo that he thought of doing all the cringy couple things he used to think were stupid. All Kageyama wanted to do was experience the euphoria that came with knowing he could say the boy who everyone loved was his. He imagined that satisfaction would be similar to the joy that came with receiving a new jersey.

Realistically speaking, the world was never that kind. 

Hinata Shoyo possessed determination to improve that ran so deeply in him it seemed as if he never once considered romance. To confirm his suspicions, Kageyama had asked him about it one time when they were going home. 

"Do you ever see yourself getting a lover?" When a passing breeze ruffled Hinata's hair and he looked up at Kageyama, the taller boy was sure he'd get the answer he was looking for but Hinata only laughed. 

"Who would've thought you would be a sappy and romantic type of guy?" Kageyama made sure to smack him upside the head for that comment but Hinata skipped away from him and continued on. He thoughtfully tipped his head to the side, "Maybe one day when I'm not so worried about volleyball." A melodic and confident laugh escaped him, sounding sweeter than any music Kageyama had ever heard. 

"I'm sure I'll get someone to love me when I'm the best pro player in the world!"

Oh, Hinata. How oblivious you could be. 

»»————- ♔ ————-««

Along their journey through high school, Kageyma realized he only fell further as the days went by. The little things he noticed about Hinata entranced him and put butterflies in his stomach. (Was he really cheesy enough to use phrases like that now?) Hinata's satisfaction after receiving a set, how content he looked eating meat buns, or the fond look in his eyes whenever they landed on Kageyama. If he let his guard down for the slightest second, he could easily believe the affection in those bright eyes meant more. Volleyball may have been hard but preventing himself from getting swept up in his own delusions was harder. He hated how weak he was under Hinata's touch too. When he leaned his head on Kageyama's shoulder on drives home from games or when he'd excitedly give him high fives. The feel of his skin constantly sent shivers down Kageyama's spine and he hated that feeling more than anything. It only proved that he wasn't in control of himself and these stupid feelings.

In fact, when they became third years and Kageyama realized he might not see Hinata again for years, it filled him with a bittersweet sense of relief. Finally he got a chance at freedom! How could he possibly pine over the shorter boy if they couldn't see each other? Though as relieving as it was, he couldn't help the frustration he felt. How pathetic was it that he'd been in love with Hinata for three years and yet he never once tried to confess? His cowardice was frustrating but Kageyama hated himself more for not being able to tell the truth in their last encounter. He could recall the last time he'd been in the Karasuno gym as if it were yesterday. 

The graduation ceremony for the third years had just finished but Hinata had excitedly dragged him to the gym anyway. That was the last race to the Karasuno gym doors that they ever had and Kageyama still wishes that he had won. They reached the doors at nearly the same time but Hinata had touched the door practically a millisecond before Kageyama. 

"That makes me the winner! 630 wins to your lame 629!" said a giggly and out of breath Hinata. Had he unconsciously let the little brat win?

Not one to be discouraged by taunts, Kageyama replied with a smirk, "But who's the one heading to a national team?" 

Hinata momentarily froze and Kageyama worried that he touched upon a nerve. Suddenly, Hinata kicked him in the shin hard enough to send him stumbling backwards. "Brazil is a million times cooler than your team! I'm gonna become such a good volleyball player over there that you won't even recognize me when I come back!"

Though he was confident in every word he said, the orange haired brat bolted into the gym regardless. Kageyama felt his eyebrow twitch before he ran after him. They chased each other around the gym for a bit until Kageyama finally caught Hinata by the back of his shirt. 

"Let's set up the net."

"R-right!"

Kageyama stood on one side of the court, volleyball in hand as he prepared to serve. Hinata stared at him confidently from the other side of the court, ready to receive with a confident smile on his face. Kageyama never got tired of seeing how happy volleyball made him. He tossed the ball up in the air and jumped perfectly, smacking the ball cleanly across the court. Hinata was ready, of course, his receives had gotten good over the years. When he received the ball, it flew through the air and landed right where the setter should be. The sound of the ball rolling on the court left a bitter taste in Kageyama's mouth. His time with Karasuno had truly come to an end. 

Hinata stood up normally and looked at Kageyama with such fondness and love that his heart nearly broke on his side of the court. That smile held a million thank you's and a promise that they'd see each other again. 

"See you later, Kageyama!"

"Yeah. See you later."

In that moment, Kageyama was overwhelmed with regret for staying quiet once again. 

»»————- ♔ ————-««

It had been years since the last time Kageyama had seen his only love. They didn't keep in contact that much either, except for the occasional text here and there. Kageyama thought this was good. He had made a name for himself as a volleyball player on the Schweiden Adlers. He was seen as a prodigy for going pro at such a young age. He even had a surprisingly good relationship with Ushijima. Life was good. He was happy. 

At least he was trying to convince himself that he was. He never talked about this with anyone but he just couldn't forget about Hinata. It was almost comical that Kageyama was truly convinced he would be able to move on just because they were separated. Kageyama took a deep breath before closing his locker. He had a game to attend to, he needed to focus. Walking out of the changing room, Kageyama froze when he noticed a familiar head of fiery orange hair and a jersey with the initials of the team he was going against today. Hinata had applied for the Black Jakals? He told Kageyama he was applying for a team here but he never mentioned what team. Fate was truly cruel for the surprises it loved to thrust upon him suddenly. 𝘒𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘭, he thought nervously. 

"Not gonna have any bowel issues today, are you?" His stolid exterior gave no intimation of the true panic that bubbled underneath the surface. Hinata turned around at the sound of Kageyama's voice and sent a grin his way. The familiarity of the action nearly made Kageyama embrace him in the middle of the corridor. 

"I don't have stomach issues before matches anymore." Hinata replied smoothly. The sound of his voice calming Kageyama in a way that he hadn't felt in years. He couldn't believe he had forgotten the impact Hinata Shoyo had on him. 

"About time, dumbass."

"Kageyama, you've matured! In the past, you were definitely more angry with replies like that!" 

Just for that comment Kageyama tried to smack the shorter man but he quickly dodged. "I'll probably win if we did arm wrestling right now." Hinata proudly proclaimed. Old feelings of their rivalry were rekindled in Kageyama as he pulled up his sleeve, "You wanna go?" 

"Tobio-kun. Can you not pick a fight with our spiker?" 

The familiar feelings of comfort that came from their banter had distraced Kageyama so much that he did not notice Atsumu approach. He placed his elbow on Hinata's shoulder and a spark of annoyance flared within Kageyama. "I didn't, he did." Suddenly, Bokuto loudly barged out of the changing room. 

"Start what? Is it onigiri from Miya Osamu?! I want to eat it too!!" Atsumu sighed tiredly, his hand dropping from Hinata's shoulder. 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, Kageyama thought bitterly.

"No. He was picking a fight." Kageyama replied, hoping to fix the situation. Things only complicated themselves further as more people came out the changing room. 

"Do not pick a fight, fight with volleyball." Ushijima commented suddenly. Kageyama only grew more annoyed the more everyone around him spoke. Hinata seemed happy to be talking with everyone again. His eyes were filled with nostalgia and excitement so Kageyama supposed he could let this slide. Suddenly, a tall man with black hair and a mask covering his face quietly approached. He cautiously walked toward the group before he stopped to stand next to Hinata, "You're team has all had their flu vaccinations, right?" 

"Don't worry about that, Kiyo-chan! We should start warming up." Hinata replied before dragging Sakusa Kiyoomi (Kiyo-chan?) away. Sakusa warily glanced at the Adlers' setter as he was pulled away. Kageyama felt a wave of jealously wash over him powerfully. What was that?

"You don't know Sakusa, Kageyama?" Bokuto asked him, curiously. Kageyama supposed he voiced those thoughts aloud. 

"I do. We've met before."

Kageyama had a horrible feeling something was about to go very wrong. 

»»————- ♔ ————-««

The match between the Schweiden Adlers and MSBY Black Jakals was a match that many people had been looking forward to. Many old friends and rivals that Kageyama and Hinata had made over the years had been in the audience cheering them on. Their old coach, Ukai had even promised to treat them all to dinner and drinks when the match was over. It was exciting, especially since Kageyama hadn't been reunited with everyone since high school. He also hadn't stood on the court with Hinata as a rival since middle school. He was supposed to be happy, and it's not that he wasn't. It was just hard to focus on the game completely with how Hinata kept interacting with Sakusa. Atsumu decided to flashily start the game off with a quick attack and when Hinata perfectly spiked it and yelled "I'm here!" a small, pleased smile graced Sakusa's face. It only got worse from there. 

Every time Sakusa prepared to serve Hinata would loudly yell, "Give us a good one, Kiyo-chan!" with a smile Kageyama had never once seen before. He was so sure he'd seen every smile Hinata gifted the world. When Hinata prepared to serve, Sakusa would turn around and mutter something to Hinata that made him confidently hit every serve even if it went out. They supported each other on the court subtly enough for everyone else to think they were just good teammates but to Kageyama this meant to much more. When had Hinata ever done these things with him? Why had Hinata never looked at him the way he looked at Sakusa? The Adlers had lost the first set and it sent shivers down Kageyama's spine. Had he really let himself get that distracted? Or had Hinata just gotten that good? Was he just overthinking everything?

His team had calmly regrouped by the bench to hydrate themselves and rethink their strategy when Kageyama's drink slipped out of his hand and onto the court. Everyone stopped talking and looked at him, since Kageyama was 𝘯𝘰𝘵 clumsy, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the other side of the court. The Black Jakals stood huddled together, most likely discussing their strategy for the rest of the game. But what stood out to Kageyama was how Sakusa rested his hand on the small of Hinata's back. He leaned down and whispered something into Hinata's ear that made him scurry away with a deep blush on his face. Atsumu made gagging noises and the rest of the team burst into loud laughter. 

Oh. 𝘖𝘩. 

Looks like he didn't need to be the best volleyball player in the world to get a lover. 

»»————- ♔ ————-««

The Schweiden Adlers lost the game by two sets. It was a hard game where a couple of the sets even went beyond 25 points. Kageyama didn't even feel like going to the after party they planned when Sakusa planted a gentle kiss on Hinata's forehead as the Black Jakals celebrated their victory. He felt sick, so horribly sick. Was he truly foolish enough to think that he had a chance with Hinata after all these years? He was disappointed in himself for being so easily swept up in his feelings. 

Maybe a drink would do him good after all.

The after party was unexpectedly large and took place in a restaurant near the hotel both teams were staying in. The alcohol helped ease the pain of seeing Hinata's affection for someone else though it also made things worse. Hinata turned out to be an affectionate drunk and would not let go of Sakusa. His lover, who seemed much more capable of holding his liquor, looked upon Hinata with amusement. Kageyama just really wanted this night to be over. Suddenly, Atsumu stood up shakily, "Alright everyone! We need to play a game, does anyone have suggestions?"

Bokuto opened his mouth but Atsumu cut him off, "Oh, of course I'll pick the game! All of you are so sweet." It seems he only got bolder when he was drunk. He put one of his feet on his chair, "I think we should impersonate each other! Omi-kun, you start!"

The man in question seemed more bothered by the nickname coming from Atsumu's mouth than the actual game. "Do I have too?"

"Omi-kun, you should try it! I bet you'll be hilarious!" Hinata's words slurred together and Sakusa's gaze softened before he turned back to Atsumu.

"Who am I impersonating?" 

"Kageyama, of course!" 

The Adlers' setter snorted. Maybe next time he's on the court with Atsumu he'll accidentally spike him with a ball. Hinata and Bokuto thought this was the funniest thing they had ever heard, however. The both of them insisting persistently for Sakusa to hurry up. He sighed tiredly before pulling down his mask, twisting his facial expression to be annoyed. "Hinate boke." he said simply. All was silent for a moment, then everyone around the table bursted into laughter. He even got a chuckle from Ushijima. 

"Wow, Omi-kun that was great! But I have an even better idea," he moved from his chair and walked over to Kageyama's seat. Taking a mask out of his pocket, (Why did he even have one?) he held it in front of Kageyama. "You should impersonate Sakusa!" If he didn't have a volleyball career to worry about Kageyama was sure that he would've killed Atsumu right then and there. Impersonate Sakusa? The very person that stole Hinata from him? To say he was angry would be an understatement. He couldn't just reject, though, not with Hinata watching him from across the table curiously. He snatched the mask from Atsumu and secured it on his face. Kageyama then walked a few feet away from the table before he shoved his hands in his pocket's. 

"You expect me to sit on the public seating 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘵?" He made sure to express heavy disgust at the end of his sentence, though his feelings weren't fake. He was disgusted with himself for loving Hinata. Disgusted that he let himself get so caught up in his feelings that he couldn't focus on the match. So, so 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 that Hinata placed himself in Sakusa's lap in front of all of them. (Why was he the only one annoyed with this?) People around the table laughed and Atsumu moved on to his next target. Kageyama huffily sat back in his seat once more. When was this night going to be over?

"Shoyo, let go for a bit." Sakusa said softly as he pried Hinata's arms from his around his neck. Kageyama shouldn't have felt so angry hearing Hinata's name. He didn't deserve to feel that anger. Sakusa had probably confessed unlike him. "But Kiyo-chan you smell so nice..." Hinata's cheeks were tinted a rosey pink that further accentuated his sleepy eyes. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘩𝘰𝘭 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮, Kageyama mused. "Just for a second, Shoyo. I've gotta use the bathroom." He grabbed Hinata by the hips and pulled him off his lap, though he only worsened the blush on the shorter man's face. After Sakusa left, Hinata folded his arms and looked around the table boredly before his eyes landed on Kageyama. He then got up and walked over to where Kageyama was seated.

"Omi-Omi, we should go back to our room."

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵?

"Hinata, I'm not Saku-" Warm arms wrapped around Kageyama's waist and Hinata tilted his head up to look at him. "Please?" Kageyama felt his cheeks grow hot, as he heard his heartbeat in his ears. Hinata was clearly out of it, intoxication practically dripping from his every pore. Kageyama, on the other hand, had never been this close to Hinata before and he didn't think it would feel this good. "Woah, Hinata looks like he's about to fall asleep right here!" Bokuto piped up suddenly, distracting Kageyama from the wasted middle blocker now resting in his arms. "Maybe you should take him to the room he's sharing with Sakusa. I can tell him where you took Hinata!" Bokuto's suggestion made sense, but Kageyama still couldn't shake his bad feeling from earlier.

"Shouldn't we just wait for Sakusa?" He tried to suggest, hoping to get himself out of this situation. Unfortunately, Bokuto seemed to have made up his mind and was already pushing Kageyama out of his seat. Kageyama would've tried protesting but he had the feeling that it wouldn't do him any good. Hinata let go of him and slowed his pace. Before Kageyama could exhale a sigh of relief Hinata jumped on his back, nearly sending him to his knees. "Dumbass, what the hell are you doing?!" He knew his tone was harsh but he couldn't help it. Carrying Hinata was even worse than being hugged by him.

"I thought you wouldn't mind.." he trailed off, a frown evident in his tone. Kageyama could only sigh. He just needed to get him to his room.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

The restaurant Ukai had rented out for everyone was only about a block away from their hotel but Kageyama felt as if it took him an hour to get there. Hinata wasn't heavy, surprisingly, but he didn't know how to keep still to save his life. It made carrying him 100 times more difficult than it needed to be. He also kept pointing out ridiculous things that would only make sense to a drunk person. ("Kiyo-chan, do you smell purple too?" "....as in the color?" "Well duh! What else would I mean?") Damn him for being a lightweight. Kageyama was grateful that Bokuto told him Hinata's room number before he left, because there's no way he would've gotten that information from Hinata in this state. 

"Hinata, give me the key card." 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘨𝘰𝘥, 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘺, Kageyama desperately thought.

The man on his back only seemed to get upset at this, "Only if you call me Shoyo! I told you that you didn't have to call me Hinata anymore." This was getting out of hand. Kageyama feared how intimate this was getting, he knew he couldn't keep pushing this further.

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳? The thought came out of nowhere, for all Kageyama knew it was the alcohol talking but somehow that voice made sense. If Sakusa was really coming wouldn't he be here by now? If this was truly wrong, wouldn't Hinata be pushing him away by now?

If Kageyama truly didn't want this, wouldn't he have left Hinata at the restaurant? He couldn't lie to himself when the truth was in front of him like this. When would he ever get a chance to be this close to Hinata again? He wouldn't! So he had to enjoy this while he could. Kageyama took a deep, calming breath.

"Shoyo, give me the key card."

Hinata-no, 𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘺𝘰 reached into his pocket. "Here you go Omi-kun!"

Kageyama slowly opened the door and walked inside. It was a standard hotel room, nothing seemed special about it in the slightest. Shoyo pushed himself off of Kageyama's back and sat on the bed. The taller man pulled the mask from his face and shoved it in his pocket. "Shoyo, I should really be going now." The curtains were opened slightly and moonlight spilled into the room, casting a halo of light around Shoyo's hair. Kageyama felt his chest grow tight. Shoyo rubbed one of his eyes tiredly before he reached out, gently grabbing a fistful of Kageyama's shirt. He pulled Kageyama down to his level and planted a soft kiss on his lips. When he pulled away, he looked up at Kageyama bashfully.

"Please stay."

It was only two words, two small syllables whispered from the only person to ever own his heart. How could he possibly say no to this? He couldn't, because for as strong as Kageyama was, his weakness would always be Hinata Shoyo.

Kageyama straddled Shoyo's hips and pushed him back on the bed.

"I'm not going anywhere."

»»————- ♔ ————-««

Boisterous laughter and footsteps jerked Kageyama back into reality. (𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨?) It took him a moment to process where he was before he looked at Hinata in utter horror. The shorter man slept peacefully on the bed, which would have been fine had he not been naked and covered in hickeys. Kageyama swore in that moment that he'd never touch alcohol again, if that was all it took to send his control out the window.

𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦?

There was no time to contemplate the guilt. No time to wonder if he even deserved to be in Hinata's presence. He scrambled off the bed and hurridly put his clothes on. (Why was his shirt on the lamp?) Voices grew closer to the door and Kageyama felt a cold sweat break out on his back. He grabbed his jacket and rushed to the door. Just as he was about to reach for the doorknob, the door pulled open on its own. Sakusa Kiyoomi stood at the doorframe looking down at Kageyama with confusion clear in his eyes.

"Why are you still here?" He asked, warily. He took a step forward and Kageyama stepped back. Sakusa was slightly taller than Kageyama so he peered over his head and noticed Hinata sleeping peacefully on the bed. It seemed as if it didn't take Sakusa long to piece everything together because he roughly shoved Kageyama aside and stormed past him. He sat next to Hinata and gently shook him awake. "Shoyo. Wake up, Shoyo." A groan came from Hinata's mouth as he rubbed his eyes groggily. He looked up at Sakusa and then at Kageyama standing near the door, frozen in panic.

"Why are there two Kiyoomis?" The alcohol seemed to still be in his system which only made Kageyama look worse. Sakusa went rigid before he slowly dug into his pocket, pulling out a single white glove. He put it on and walked up to Kageyama. (Was he truly that disgusting?) "Wait, I ca-"

Sakusa shoved Kageyama out into the hallway with so much force that he nearly fell. Pulling Kageyama up by his collar, Sakusa used his covered hand to hold him by the neck. He pushed Kageyama so roughly against the wall that a loud bang echoed throughout the empty corridor. The pressure on his throat was irritating, breathing becoming harder and harder by the second. Belligerent eyes peered down at him, "You took advantage of my drunk boyfriend?" Sakusa's tone was eerily calm given the position he forced Kageyama in.

"I didn't mea-"

Sakusa choked him harder, making a grunt of pain escape Kageyama.

"Don't you dare tell me you didn't mean to. You weren't drunk enough to blame this on alcohol. So tell me," he gripped Kageyama's neck so hard that his vision blurred.

"Why did you touch him?"

A door down the hall opened and a sleepy Atsumu walked out. (Salvation.) "Why are you guys being so loud? I'm trying to..." he trailed off when he noticed the situation unfolding before him. He rushed over and pulled Sakusa off of Kageyama. "Omi-kun what are you doing?!" His loud voice carried down the hall, waking up more people. Another door opened and, this time, Ushijima walked out into the hall.

"I should kill him." Sakusa hissed, with so much venom in his tone that Kageyama flinched. "Look at what he did to Shoyo." He pointed at the opened door of his hotel suite, and Atsumu nervously peered inside. The other setter must have seen Hinata's state on the bed because when he turned around he looked distressed.

"Tobio-kun, what have you done?"

Ushijima intervened before the situation could further get out of hand. He stood in front of Kageyama to put space between him and the other men in the hall. "I don't know what's going on but don't you think we should save this for tomorrow?" Atsumu shook off his panic and pulled Sakusa towards his room. "He's right, guys! This is going to get worse if more people wake up to see what the commotion is about!" Sakusa snatched his arm away from Atsumu and leaned against the door of his room. He pointed at Kageyama, "If I see you again, it won't be pretty. Stay away from Shoyo." Hinata's irritated lover walked back inside the room.

The atmosphere quickly grew awkward in the hallway. Kageyama pulled away from Ushijima and ran to his own room. Atsumu yelled out, "Tobio-kun, wait!" but Ushijima held him back. The door of his own hotel room slamming loudly in the hallway. Kageyama leaned against the door and sagged to the floor. 

Kageyama Tobio was a lot of things and it turned out that stupid was one of them.


	2. Part 2: Sakusa and Hinata's Perspectives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That fateful night from another perspective and the morning after an evening of complication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hii!! today i offer you the sakuhina perspective to la douleur exquise, tmmr who knows? No but seriously, thanks for reading the first part :") it made me happy to get comments and see people liking my work! so i hope you have fun reading this last part! 
> 
> trigger warning: anxiety/anxiety attack
> 
> (I may be the ceo of sakuhina but my side job is projecting onto my fictional characters lol)

Sakusa Kiyoomi was a lot of things but the only thing that mattered was that he was Hinata Shoyo's boyfriend. He spent a long time believing that he'd never fall in love, so he was eternally grateful to Shoyo for brightening up his life. Shoyo was safety and comfort. He was sunshine and everything good in the world.

But most importantly, he was Sakusa's and his alone.

Which is exactly why Sakusa was slightly annoyed when he walked out of the changing room to see his lover surrounded by a small crowd. Some of his own teammates and some of the very adversaries they were about to be up against on the court. Sakusa cautiously approached the group before he stopped to stand next to Hinata. "You're team has all had their flu vaccinations, right?" A tall, black haired player watched him curiously. Though it would be odd if Sakusa didn't recognize the famous setter, Kageyama Tobio. His inquisitive disposition did nothing to fool Sakusa, however. Years of observation had given the spiker the ability to see a hint of what people tried to hide under the surface.

"Don't worry about that, Kiyo-chan! We should start warming up!" Hinata said excitedly before pulling Sakusa away. He warily glanced at the Adlers' setter before he was pulled away completely. Something about him seemed 𝘰𝘧𝘧. Though Shoyo had started to excitedly chatter on about how much he was looking forward to the match, Sakusa couldn't shake off the bad feeling that had begun to gnaw at him.

He didn't like the possessive look he noticed in Kageyama's eyes.

»»————- ★ ————-««

The match between the Schweiden Adlers and the MSBY Black Jakals was a match that many people had been looking forward too. This was an especially important match for Shoyo since it was his first match in the pro leagues. It was a particularly exciting event, in Sakusa's opinion, and everyone was in good spirits. Especially Atsumu who decided to start the game off flashily. He sent a perfect, high toss into the air for their new spiker, and Hinata delivered. He practically flew in the air as he spiked the ball across the court with all the elegance of a seasoned pro.

"I'm here!" he yelled out ecstatically.

Many people in the crowd had to be confused but Hinata's messaged reached the right people. A chorus of "Welcome home!" echoed loudly throughout the stadium. It truly was the perfect way to welcome him back home after his years in Brazil. Sakusa couldn't help the small pleased smile that graced his face upon seeing how happy his boyfriend looked. Throughout the match, Sakusa had truly been at the top of his game but that could be just because he was on the court with Hinata for the first time. (Or because he got the first service ace of the day.) At the end of the first set, the Jakals calmly regrouped at the bench to hydrate themselves and rethink their strategy. As Hinata listened to their captain attentively, Sakusa noticed a slight tremble in his hands. No one else would have noticed it, of course, but Sakusa considered him to be an expert on all things Hinata.

To not startle him, Sakusa gently placed a hand on the small of his back. He pushed himself against the smaller man and leaned down slightly to whisper in his ear, "Calm down, the game is going fine. Remember to take deep breaths and I'll reward you later." Shoyo froze before backing away from Sakusa with a deep blush on his face. He looked downright scandalized but Sakusa only sent a wink in his direction.

"Oh good god, please don't get all lovey dovey on us in the middle of a game!" Atsumu whined before making gagging noises but rest of the team only burst into laughter.

Sakusa would never admit this aloud but he really did enjoy moments like these. It was something about the competitive atmosphere that was born on the court that filled him with satisfaction. (Or maybe it was just the effect of being around Hinata.)

»»————- ★ ————-««

In the end, the Black Jakals won with three sets out of five. To congratulate Hinata on winning his first pro match, Sakusa had even kissed him on the forehead for all to see. (He was hardly into PDA but he figured his boyfriend deserved that much at least.) Hinata's old coach rented out a restaurant for the two teams to relax and unwind in. They were all grateful for Ukai's generosity even Sakusa, who didn't particualry enjoy parties. Even with his dislike of large gatherings, he wouldn't voice any complaints since he knew how much Hinata had been looking forward to this. The alcohol helped loosen him up a bit anyway. At least until Atsumu stood up wobbly, clearly with an agenda to disrupt the peace.

"Alright everyone! We need to play a game," Sakusa snorted, 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦. "Does anyone have any suggestions?" Content with watching from the sidelines, Sakusa turned his attention towards Hinata, he was a lightweight after all. He needed someone to watch over him especially since it looked like the alcohol was starting to get to him.

"Oh, of course I'll pick the game! All of you are so sweet." Atsumu cheerily stated, cutting off a now pouty Bokuto. He, very shakily, put one of his feet on his chair. "I think we should impersonate each other. Omi-kun, you start!" Sakusa held back the irritated groan he so desperately wanted to release. Bokuto and Hinata, both too intoxicated to walk straight, thought this idea was the funniest thing they had ever heard.

"Omi-kun, you should try it! I bet you'll be hilarious!" Hinata's words slightly slurred together, warming Sakusa's heart in just the right way. (Why did he need to be so cute?)

"Who am I impersonating?" he boredly asked Atsumu.

"Kageyama, of course!" he replied.

He sighed tiredly before pulling down his mask, ensuring he twisted his face into an annoyed expression. "Hinata boke." All remained silent for a moment before everyone around the table burst into laughter. That wasn't too odd, he supposed, since it wasn't often that Sakusa Kiyoomi would participate in such boorish game.

"Wow, Omi-kun that was great but I have an even better idea," he moved from his chair and walked over to Kageyama's seat. Retrieving a mask out of his pocket, (He actually kept the one Sakusa threw at him in the locker room?) to hold it in front of Kageyama. "You should impersonate Sakusa!"

An odd request, Sakusa mused. Though things rarely made sense when Atsumu was involved. The Adlers' setter seemed annoyed but he complied anyway. (Good.) Sakusa had been wanting a chance to observe him further. Something about the way he looked at Hinata had rubbed Sakusa the wrong way. Kageyama walked a few feet away from the table as soon as Hinata placed himself on Sakusa's lap. He gently rested his head on his lover's shoulder, his every breath tickling Sakusa's neck. He had forgotten how much of an affectionate drunk Hinata could be.

"You expect me to sit on public seating 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘵?" Kageyama hissed while he glared at the table as if it had personally offended him. It was a good impression, Sakusa would give him that. Though the disgust he portrayed seemed too genuine for the sake of an impression. What could it be aimed towards? Perhaps the alcohol was getting to him. He was feeling this threatened from a rival team's setter, after all. Maybe he was being the possessive one here.

"Shoyo, let go for a bit." he mumbled softly, while attempting to pry his boyfriend's arms from around his neck. He should be quick, Shoyo would probably fall asleep on the table at this rate. "But Kiyo-chan you smell so nice..." Hinata's rosy cheeks only further accentuated his weary eyes. Seeing how tired his boyfriend was reminded Sakusa of his own fatigue. They should really be getting back to the hotel soon.

"Just for a second, Shoyo. I've gotta use the bathroom." Though he pouted, he complied and sat in a proper chair this time. Sakusa walked away to relieve himself, ignoring the bad feeling that kept gnawing at him.

»»————- ★ ————-««

Sakusa meant to be quick, he really did. But by the time he got back, Hinata was nowhere to be found and the hopeless drunks in the room didn't offer much help in finding him. Even Komori who he thought would be his salvation, only delayed him further from finding his boyfriend.

"Kiyoomi-chan, how could you be so cruel? I really thought we had something." The wasted drunk clung to Sakusa's arm insistently, slight tears forming in the corner of his eyes.  
"Ever since you got with Hinata-san, you hardly pay attention to me anymore!"

𝘖𝘩, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧-

Sakusa grabbed the emotional brunette forcefully by his cheeks. "Komori, you're too drunk to think properly. Let's go back to the hotel." This only proved to aggravate the brunette further.

"I bet you wouldn't say that to Hinata-san!"

Sakusa sighed. It was going to be a long night. (Which is exactly why he left Komori in the hands of someone else and moved on.)

By the time he made it back to the hotel he was exhausted. His friends and teammates were a handful to deal with when drunk. Sakusa didn't think he'd ever go drinking with them again, not after tonight.

"Hurry the fuck up." he hissed at Atsumu who kept trying to braid Bokuto's hair as they walked. Their boisterous laughter echoed loudly throughout the hallway, no doubt disturbing someone trying to sleep. Sakusa had taken them far enough in his opinion. He was sure they could find their way to their rooms themselves.

And if they couldn't...

Well, that wasn't his problem.

He only hoped that Hinata had somehow made it back to their shared room safely. Sakusa tried unlocking the door with his key card but it was already unlocked. The tired man didn't question it though, assuming his lover had left it unlocked on his way in. Pulling open the door to see an appalled Kageyama Tobio was the last thing he expected. "Why are you still here?" He asked, suspicion welling up in him. Bokuto did vaguely allude to Hinata going somewhere with a friend so Sakusa assumed he was taken back to the hotel. Kageyama seemed pain stricken, unsure of how to respond to fix the situation. Using his slight height advantage, Sakusa peered over him. Hinata slept on the hotel bed, though Sakusa felt his blood run cold at the sight of hickeys trailing down his bare back.

He roughly pushed the quiet setter out of his way, panic running through his mind. Sakusa sat next to his boyfriend, gently shaking him awake. "Shoyo. Wake up, Shoyo."  
A disgruntled groan came from Hinata's mouth as he rubbed his eyes groggily. He looked up at Sakusa before looking at Kageyama standing frozen near the door. Hinata's eyes told Sakusa everything he needed to know, however. He was still drunk. "Why are there two Kiyoomis?" That odd comment only further confirmed Sakusa's suspicions. An anger that Sakusa had never felt before filled him as he sat rigidly on the bed. Slowly, carefully calculating his next move, Sakusa pulled one of his gloves out of his pocket. (He couldn't imagine touching him with his bare hands.) He abruptly stood up and walked over to Kageyama.

"Wait, I ca-"

Letting rage cloud his judgement, Sakusa shoved Kageyama with so much force that he unceremoniously stumbled into the hallway. The furious spiker then pushed Kageyama up against the wall, holding him there by his neck. Various emotions swirled in Sakusa but the only thing he could think of was how satisfying it felt to have his fingers wrapped around the setter's neck. He didn't even notice how Kageyama struggled for air underneath his grip. Belligerent eyes peered down at the helpless man, "You took advantage of my drunk boyfriend?" Though his voice sounded calm, it was superficial. Merely speaking of the vile reality in front of him practically made Sakusa want to hurl.

A shiver went down his spine, did anyone else know this happened? Did anyone know Kageyama's intentions when he left the after party with him? Had he been planning on doing this to Hinata since their game?

"I didn't mea-" Sakusa only choked him harder, relishing in the grunt of pain he released. (This was the least that he deserved.)

"Don't you dare tell me you didn't mean to. You weren't drunk enough to blame this on alcohol. So tell me," he gripped Kageyama's neck so hard that his eyes scrunched shut in pain.

"Why did you touch him?"

Why? Why did this idiotic setter think he had any right to touch Shoyo? 𝘏𝘪𝘴 Shoyo? What right did he have to see such intimate parts of Shoyo that were for Sakusa's eyes only? Who the hell did Kageyama think he was? Rushed footsteps, franctic shouting, foreign fingers prying him off of Kageyama. Sakusa couldn't process the details, he only noticed his fingers were no longer wrapped around Kageyama's neck.

"Omi-kun, what are you doing?" The voice of a sobered up Atsumu echoed throughout the hallway. "I should kill him." (Death would be merciful.) Sakusa pointed angrily towards his open room door, ignoring Kageyama's flinch. "Look at what he did to Shoyo." Atsumu nervously peered into the room, not used to seeing so much emotion from Sakusa. He must have seen Hinata's dirty state on the bed because when he turned around he looked distressed.

"Tobio-kun, what have you done?" he whispered in the dead silent hallway. Before the situation could further get out of hand, Ushijima intervened (Where did he even come from?). "I don't know what's going on but don't you think we should save this for tomorrow?" Ushijima's collected voice must have shaken Atsumu out of his shocked stupor because he grabbed onto Sakusa desperately. "He's right, guys! This will only get worse if more people wake up and see what the commotion is about!"

A large portion of Sakusa wanted to ignore him. A large, large part. But Sakusa Kiyoomi was a man of reason and he couldn't allow himself to lose his cool so easily. He snatched his arm away from Atsumu and leaned against the door of his room. Raising his covered hand, he pointed at Kageyama, "If I see you again, it won't be pretty. Stay away from Shoyo." With that, he walked inside the room, slamming the door behind him. He stood stiffly by the door, unsure of how he should approach Hinata about this situation. Sakusa knew better than to approach Hinata about this issue now, he knew he should wait until the morning. (He chose to sleep in one of the chairs in their room instead of the bed that night. He couldn't imagine how dirty the sheets must have been. )

»»————- ✼ ————-««

Hinata Shoyo felt a stabbing pain piercing his skull the moment he woke up. The pain was dizzying, making it difficult for him to sit up from his pillow without groaning. 𝘞𝘢𝘪𝘵, 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸? He didn't remember falling asleep or making it back to the hotel, oddly enough. Hinata racked his brain for answers, but he could only remember the party. He recalled sitting on Sakusa's lap while Kageyama's did some sort of prank but everything after that was a blur. Forcing his tired body into a sitting position, Hinata's face burned when he noticed various marks covering his chest. He expected to see Sakusa laying next to him with a content grin on his face but, to Hinata's disappointment, he was alone.

"Kiyo-chan?"

He called out, hoping that maybe his boyfriend was in the bathroom. Aside from Hinata's tired sigh, the room remained silent. Choosing to ignore his throbbing head, the hungover man forced himself out of bed to shower. He was sure Sakusa would appreciate him being clean whenever he returned. (The warmth of the shower helped ease his headache anyway.) By the time he came out, Sakusa sat in one of the chairs by the window. His gaze was distant as he eyed the cityscape, making Hinata worry that something was wrong.

"Are you alright, Kiyo-chan?"

Sakusa's eyes widened slighty as if he wasn't expecting to be called out to. When his eyes landed on Hinata, they were unreadable. It unsettled Hinata to see such a look from him, he had gotten quite used to seeing affection in Sakusa's eyes whenever they landed on him. "You should get dressed." he replied simply before turning his gaze back towards the window. Uncertainty filled Hinata but he listened to his boyfriend and dressed quietly.

"What's wrong?" he asked nervously, feeling as if he had done something wrong. This time Sakusa sighed deeply, worsening Hinata's nerves in the process. "We really need to talk, Shoyo." It was only six words. Yet it only took six words for Hinata to feel his heartbeat uncomfortably fast in his chest. Hinata made himself comfortable in the unoccupied seat next to Sakusa, dread slowly crawling up his spine. "What's the last thing you remember?" Sakusa still looked towards the window once more. Being so cleary shut out from him left a bitter feeling in Hinata's chest.

"Not much, really. I remember sitting on you during the party and messing around with Bokuto-san but everything after that is a blur. I just assumed you brought me back to the hotel when I..." he trailed off when he noticed Sakusa grip the armrest tightly. His boyfriend turned to look at him, his eyes no longer unreadable. Hinata held his hands together tightly, anxiety clawing at his chest as he looked into Sakusa's hurt eyes. "Last night," he continued on stiffly, "Kageyama brought you back to the hotel. You were so drunk that you must have mistaken him for me." Sakusa paused, clearly nervous to continue on.

"Kageyama brought you back here and you slept together, Shoyo." Though Sakusa spoke quietly, his words echoed loudly in Hinata's ears. 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘒𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘺𝘢𝘮𝘢? He had no idea what to think, let alone know what he should say to Sakusa. The only thing Hinata was sure of was sure of was the heavy guilt that filled his stomach. "I ran into Kageyama when he was trying to sneak out. I woke you last night but you were so out of it. That's the only reason why I don't completely blame you for it." Hinata reached out for Sakusa's hand resting on the armrest but his boyfriend tensed under his touch. That was enough to make him pull away quickly and Sakusa did nothing to stop him.

Tears blurred his vision and his lungs felt heavy in his chest, slowly making it difficult to breathe. "I'm sorry," he choked out pitifully, "I really am." His boyfriend, if he could still call him that, gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "I wouldn't have done it if I-" Hinata stopped talking abruptly, gasping for air as if felt like his lungs were closing in on themselves. It hurt, it hurt so bad. Knowing that he had betrayed the person he loved most in the world gave him too much guilt to bear. How could Sakusa stand to look at him? Was this going to be their end? There were still so many things he wanted to do with Sakusa still! How could he ruin things like this? Hinata pulled away from Sakusa and cried into his hands.

He wanted to disappear, he wanted to d-

Warm, familiar arms wrapped around him as he was suddenly lifted from his seat. Sakusa placed him in his lap and held Hinata close, waiting for him to calm down. He rocked Hinata gently in his arms while he rubbed circles into his back. It took a while for Hinata to calm down but Sakusa was okay with that. He was used to seeing Hinata like this behind closed doors, after all. "We'll be okay," he murmured softly, his chin buried in Hinata's soft amber curls.

"What makes you so sure?" Hinata mumbled into Sakusa's shirt, his fist bundled in the fabric. Sakusa planted a soft kiss on Hinata's forehead as he held him tightly.

"We've made it this far, haven't we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! the next fic I'll be working on is much lighter (sorta) since it'll be a sakuhina getting together fic! :)

**Author's Note:**

> kinda cried writing the ending ngl. hope you enjoyed! leave a comment telling me what you think or if they are any typos i missed! feedback is always appreciated :3


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